The gift of being asked
What do you give someone who says they don’t need anything? Give them the chance to tell their life story to someone who wants to hear all of it, and give the family the book that comes from it.
Most people are never really asked.
Someone in your family has told the one about the snowstorm a hundred times. What nobody has done is sit with them for two hours and ask what came before it, and after, and why they made the choices they did.
That’s the gift. Weeks of someone’s full attention on their life, and at the end a book that tells them, without anyone needing to say it out loud, that their life was worth writing down.
They’d like to be asked.
79% In a 2023 survey for Ancestry of 2,000 U.S. adults, 79% of mothers said they’re willing to share their stories.
Source: OnePoll survey for Ancestry of 2,000 U.S. adults, April 2023.
What it’s like for them
A series of unhurried conversations by video, from their own chair, with an interviewer whose only job is to listen and ask the next good question. They don’t prepare, and they don’t write anything. If they’d like, they can jot notes in Before We Sit Down first.
An illustrative example
A father turns eighty in the spring. His three children live in three states and agree on one thing: he’s the only one who remembers how the family business really started. They begin the interviews in the fall. He talks about the uncle who lent him his first two hundred dollars, and the year he nearly sold. At the party, each household receives a copy, and he reads the first page aloud.
How giving it works
A daughter, a husband, a brother, a friend or the whole family together can give it, and the steps are the same.
Tell us it’s a gift, and the occasion if there is one.
Together we decide how and when they’re told about the interviews.
The books go to you, or straight to them. Your choice.
Can it stay a surprise?
Partly. They’ll know someone is recording their life, since they’re the one talking. What they don’t have to know is that a book is coming. You can introduce the interviews as a way of getting the family stories on record, and let the book arrive on its own. Tell us how you’d like it handled and we’ll follow your lead.
If they’re not sure
If they’re hesitant, we suggest they speak with us before you approve the proposal, so they know what’s planned and can say yes in their own time. Nobody is interviewed who doesn’t want to be.
Planning around a date
A 70th, 80th or 90th birthday. A fiftieth anniversary, a retirement, a reunion where everyone will finally be in one room. Or no occasion at all, just the sense that it’s time.
To be safe, start about six months before the date.
| For a book by | Start by |
|---|---|
| Mother’s Day, May 9, 2027 | Early November 2026 |
| Father’s Day, June 20, 2027 | Mid-December 2026 |
| Christmas 2027 | Late June 2027 |
If your date is sooner than a book can be finished, the first interview can be the gift, and the book follows.